Changing So Fast...

We had Lia's 3rd doctor's appt a few days ago with her IA specialist doctor and are just stunned at how well our little trooper is doing! Despite the fact that everywhere we go everyone always exclaims that she looks too tiny to be walking, she has gained almost 3 pounds in the short weeks she's been home (I call her my Buddha baby because she's grown a little belly!) putting her right about the 25%ile. The doctor was also very pleased at her motor skills and language development and said she's right on target for her age. It feels so braggy to say it like that but after all the months of worrying and wondering (and some scary unknowns and updates) it is so nice to get so much good news. While there is still perhaps a tiny bit of residual stiffness in her legs our doctor's opinion is that it is nothing at all to worry about and shouldn't slow her down at all. What a relief that was (we're still going to see if we can get her to qualify for some physical therapy to be sure though). We did also find out that her titres came back showing that she didn't have immunity for many of the diseases she had immunizations for in India so those shots had to be repeated (poor baby, I hate watching them get shots). Our doctor had also mentioned at the 1st appt that she had clearly had lice at some point but that there were no living creatures there at the time (no idea how we lucked out on that one- maybe a mild case or she got treated right before we got her) and she also had had what appeared to be a mild case of scabies. So future families- bring scabies cream and lice shampoo to India with you just in case!

I actually trimmed her bangs myself today (something I have never done!) poor thing couldn't see anymore, her hair has grown like crazy. Although it's still super thin and very hard to put up (and she will rip most anything out, even if it hurts her to do it! Apparently she is very anti-bow, maybe I have a little tomboy on my hands).

Perhaps the cutest picture EVER!

She always does this and her brothers love it!

Lia's baptism was this past weekend. She showed her spirited self, screaming (loudly and quite angrily) from the moment we brought her up toward the altar until the entire ceremony was over. I actually felt a little bad for the other families since their videos will be filled with her screaming and I know no one heard a word that the deacon said! But she looked adorable and greatly enjoyed the celebration (and cake of course) afterward!

Shockingly I ended up holding both of them to try to stem the screaming!

The wonderful godparents!

The screaming!

Party of Five (ie- how we are adjusting to the craziness, frustration and fun of 3 kids!)

Visiting With Uncle Brendan


Enjoying the waterpark
(a girl constantly on the move!)

A rare quiet moment July 4th (with only
ONE child climbing on me!)


Although it has improved a million times over in the past week. The most difficult part of 3 kids for us has been (hands down) LESS SLEEP! Those of you that know me will be shocked that it is actually possible for me to get less sleep since I regularly survive on 5-6 hours of interrupted sleep or less (I have not been blessed with consistently good sleepers for a number of reasons and also get most of my work done at night). Lia started out sleeping shockingly, fantastically well and still does for days at a time. But then... we will have nights where we are putting her back to sleep over and over again for two hours or MORE! The worst are those nights when she wakes up and truly wakes up- thinks it is time to play! Ugh. Until recently this was a waaaaay too recent ocurrence.

However, sleep issues are probably at least partially due to all the partying! That is a fun part of our family we are a party in and of ourselves (never a dull moment) and we have been lucky enough to get to spend lots of time with friends and family lately (between 4th of July, end of school and all the birthdays it has been one party after another). Lia loves the entertainment value of being outside with kids to watch and doesn't seem overwhelmed at all but I think we've played fast and loose with her sleep routine a bit too much. When we had Jack I remember longing for the days when I could base my daily routine around one child's naps, well, now that's even more impossible many days.

I've also been surprised by how one tiny little person has changed our laundry and cleaning routines. I used to be able to get all the laundry done in one day (I hate letting the laundry drag out and be half done forever- it drives me NUTS) but no longer, it just seems impossible. There is always one more load that needs to be done. And although I thought I had already learned to live with toys everywhere before, there is apparently a whole new level of toy clutter. I have tripped over toy trucks, doll shoes and plastic dinosaurs more times than I can count (and have this gigantic mysterious bruise over the top half of my leg that I cannot for the life of me remember how I got but I'm guessing it was from one of these encounters). Of course my cleaning schizophrenia probably doesn't help (I am forever flitting from one area of the house to the other and never actually finish anything).

One very good thing is we have actually spent way less money! Why, you might ask, when we have an extra mouth to feed, body to clothe and bottom to diaper would we spend less money? Well, leaving the house with 3 kids (2 of whom are walking toddlers) is so challenging that I hardly ever go anywhere further than the neighborhood pool or neighbors' houses. I think I went to Target once 2 weeks ago but other than that I have done a weekly grocery run and Greg runs some errands on the weekends and that is it! Also, much less inspired to eat out at a restaurant when it involves cutting up multiple children's foods and trying to encourage them to eat semi-quietly (Lia likes to screech loudly- happily, but very loudly- while she's eating). Good thing it's summer so we can hang out here and not lose our minds.

I also feel less patient (possibly related to chronic sleep deprivation). I swear when I only had one child I never (or almost never anyway) yelled or wanted to tear my hair out, but the boys' constant fighting (I am trying to be understanding of the huge change in their life and grateful that at least they're not taking it out on their sister) has thrown me over the edge more than a few times of late. This constant fighting is relatively new but I also think it is partly due to the fact that Jack is just now old enough to really challenge Gavin and drive him to new levels of crazy. Jack is also much less containable (if that is even possible) now that he can climb over anything (think large walls and furniture here) and open any door (including the sliding glass door on the back- one scary moment there). He also thinks that the cut-out between our living room and kitchen is the upright of a football goal- and everything gets thrown through it. Good thing he is cute!

Although both my little ones are cuddly, sweet and just downright wonderful I am constantly wishing I had more alone time with each one because it is a definite juggling act. I see the beauty of kids who are well-spaced out (hey, I was kinda smart waiting 3 1/2 years between the 1st two kids!) I have a whole new appreciation of mothers of multiples because it is HARD! While I always thought we'd adopt again, right at this moment I think I have my hands completely full so we'll have to see if #4 is in the cards someday (right now someday far, far in the future when I'm no longer changing 15+ diapers a day!).

All that said, and as tired as I am most nights I truly love this summer and having all three kids here with me. I know I am incredibly lucky to get to spend all of this time with them (even on the days when I truly want Calgon to take me away- to somewhere far, far away). I love the sweet moments when the boys invent games together and Lia reaches out to give them cute, little kisses. I love the memories we are making visiting with family and friends, playing in the backyard, bike-riding, and swimming.

*Funny note- one of Lia's newest words is 'Stop' and she says it in the same annoyed tone I say it (when the boys are attacking each other or she is wiggling all over the bed in the middle of the night!). Yikes I'm going to have to start saying something nicer more often.

Recounting our Lia Riyani Day...

Then:


Now (she is definitely filling out a bit! And is a full-fledged walker as
of about two weeks ago!):


I just realized that I never actually posted this, so with some reflections and additions I decided to go ahead and post it now (a little over 6 weeks later- has it really been that long?! Time flies when you're havin' fun!) Feel free to skim or skip this- it's long but I wanted to document (I am awful at baby books so consider this a baby book of sorts).

On May 22nd we woke up pretty late! I was shocked at how easily I slept. Then I actually sat down at the computer and did some work- grading annotated bibliographies for my online classes. Crazy but I was actually pretty focused! We'd hoped to do some shopping before heading out to the baby home but were told that most stores don't open till 11am so we wouldn't have enough time. So we hung out in the hotel room and had a leisurely breakfast. Then we began the process of calling Anju (every time I had to make a phone call it was a process with about 4 uncompleted calls- that of course we got charged for anyway) to confirm our time- 12:30 (except this time she said, maximum of 12:30, yikes, if we'd known we could've come sooner we would've!). Then we headed down to the lobby but to my relief the driver was early (I knew he wasn't sure where he was going so I was a bit nervous about getting there on time). Oddly I wasn't as nervous or emotional as I would have thought. Mostly I was just concerned with getting there. And to be honest it was still surreal (still is, even after having been home for 5 weeks).

To future families- most of you will want to go to the Parna Daas building (somehow we didn't know this, I probably totally missed the instruction and had our driver take us to the first one listed on the contact sheet). We pulled up to a totally nondescript building, I turned the video camera on to document the street and what I thought were the infamous stairs. I could hear babies and people but could not figure out where to go. Finally I came upon a half-open door with some isolettes. A lovely nanny smiled and told me we were in the wrong place! She asked who we were adopting and when she found out it was Riyani she smiled and said she remembered her. So off we went again on another adventure (with our driver calling Anju for directions and stopping to ask people on the street 3 or 4 times). Then finally there were two lovely gentlemen in front of a gate who started waving at us and directed us into the driveway (tip- it's next to the King and Queen salon). Then we found the infamous stairs for real. I totally thought I'd start crying or get choked up as we started up them. Nope. I was on a mission and was totally devoid of any thought other than 'must document this, must videotape'! Didn't help that I totally tripped over my long skirt 3 or 4 times (graceful, huh?!)

As we got to the top of the stairs we saw a few desks and people getting up to greet us and then Anju was in front of us and leading us toward her office. She was wonderfully kind and spoke to us for quite awhile (of course what was said I have no idea- I took notes but who knows what they say). I do remember massive confusion when I asked her if she could tell me the names of the ayahs in one of the old pictures another family took (she thought I meant the names of the babies and she had 3 nannies in there trying to remember all their names but finally we got it sorted out and I do have the names for any families that want them!) I asked a few questions (rather awkwardly- I think I kept saying 'Well, I'm supposed to ask...') about her personality and who her crib mates have been (Sheli, Piyashi and Maya in recent months). Of course I totally forgot to ask anything about her physical therapy or any allergies. Oops. Then we signed paperwork (I'm totally fuzzy on what it looked like and why we signed it- I'm pretty sure we would've signed our life away : ) and suddenly they brought her into the room. We did not know she was coming quite then and were a little off-guard. Again I expected to be overwhelmed with emotion but the only thing I remember thinking was 'please baby, don't cry'. She looked a little fearful for a second but then when she was placed in my arms she just kind of looked at me and didn't cry. I kissed her sweet little cheeks and held her hand and remember thinking how much smaller she is in person.

Then Anju gave the name sheets to the head nanny and led us to the room. (I wish I had paid more attention to how many names were in each pile- Anju skimmed through the names and put them in 2 piles one for each building. They kept asking if we had taken all the pictures we needed and we really had no idea!) On the advice of our social worker I asked which crib was Riyani's and put her back in it so that her nannies could say goodbye to her. Then we started taking pictures. Ugh. I am still unhappy with myself for how poorly I did in this first room. We know how important those pictures and videos are and I was totally determined to do a good job but I didn't. I somehow thought it would be better for me to do video while Greg took stills- awful idea, I should have let him do it all as it would have slowed us down some and his skills are way, way, way superior to mine (I had actually never even picked up that particular video camera before and had no earthly idea what I was doing). Instead we totally rushed through the room and it is honestly a blur. I have a vague memory of 3 large cribs in the middle of the room. and 7 or so smaller white cribs along the edges of the room and one adorable little toddler boy who kept reaching for Greg's camera, but other than that I feel like we really should have slowed down and talk to the nannies more. Ugh. Oh well, future families learn from my example! Then we moved into the room next door that had about 12 small cribs each with one baby each(they were about 2-5 months old). We started to slow down a little bit and chatted more with the nannies who told us how old a few of them were. I remember being amazed because they were all asleep at the same time and I asked the nanny if they always slept at the same time and she nodded and said 'yes that they were very used to their routine' (wow! and I can't even get 2 toddlers to sleep at the same time). At some point we must've gone back in and gotten Riyani out of her crib but I totally don't remember it!! I do remember practically tripping down the stairs again several times (darn skirt).

Then we moved on to the 2nd building. One of the workers hopped in the car to direct our driver. Greg held Riyani on the way there and she just hung out in his arms. He hates those pictures (apparently I took them too close up!) but it was still very sweet. When we got there he handed her to me so he could take the video and still cameras and all his photo-taking paraphernalia. We went back in the same building we'd been in an hour before but this time headed downstairs. This building is a bit older and there are many buildings close-by so there are sounds coming from everywhere. We first entered a room with about 3 large cribs and several 'toddler chairs' (wooden chairs with belts and little trays). This was one of the special needs rooms. There were four children in there at the time. 3 in the cribs and one sitting in one of the chairs (I remember being surprised that the boy in the chair was playing with one of those fisher price amazing animals zebras!). I hung out in the doorway (not a lot of space in there) speaking with the nanny (same lovely women who we'd spoken to before) while Greg took pictures and video of one of the little girls. Riyani settled in against my chest (I thought she was asleep long before she actually was because she was so still). Then we headed to a second room with 4 small cribs and smaller toddlers and babies. We actually spent a lot of time in there- there were 3 nannies in there who spoke English and asked us a number of questions about where we were from and how long we'd waited for her and they played with the children and changed their diapers while we were in there chatting (and Greg was taking pictures and video). We were so much more relaxed at this point that we really had time to slow down and have a conversation! I totally fell in love with a sweet baby boy in there. He was about 5 months old and just giggled and laughed and played with us the whole time! (I so hope he has a family by now, last I knew he didn't! If I could, I would bring him home!! If we are able to adopt again I might have to go get a baby boy! Those boys had so much personality!)

Then we headed upstairs to see the newborns (I think the oldest was about 7 weeks old). I was amazed that several of the very newborn (and one very, very sick baby) were not still in the hospital. The doctor happened to be there and she led us around (she is a wonderful, very nice and very intelligent woman!) and told us about a number of the babies. The 3 in the front room were very young and she mentioned that the babies usually come there when they are 2-3 days old (about the same time they would be released from the hospital back home). The one teeny tiny baby really was as small as my palm. She was hooked up to many wires and it looked almost like a hospital isolette. It was heartbreaking- like walking through a NICU. The next room had many more babies (maybe 2 dozen) and they were a bit older. The doctor stopped by one isolette to tell us that the little girl would soon be undergoing surgery the next day. The baby was smiling sweetly and I was so sad that she was about to have to undergo that. The nannies were very loving toward the babies and knew them all. We asked if Riyani was in that room and they smiled and nodded and said, 'Yes, of course! She was here for her first couple months.' It was so hard to comprehend that the baby in my arms (finally asleep by now) had been in one of those cribs for many days before we even knew about her!

I was still rather zombie-like as we headed out and said our goodbyes. I held Riyani in my arms (she slept through the whole ride back to the hotel and then slept for 4 more hours that afternoon back in the room- not that we were happy that she was traumatized but it was nice because it gave us all time to process and adjust a little).

What everyone said about the truly amazing care these children get definitely seemed true to me! The women caring for them were wonderful to us and so sweet and interested.

I have thought about that day often in the weeks since then and am continually surprised at how truly hazy my memory is of it. I should go back and watch the video- I might be surprised! I do know that I was shocked that I wasn't more emotional, and a bit worried about why I wasn't. But if anyone else has that reaction I wouldn't stress about it. Two days later we were in a car in Kolkata headed out to shop. Riyani was in my arms when this sketchy looking guy headed toward the car door and suddenly my arms tightened around her and I just felt that Mama Bear protective instinct kick in and knew I would give my life to protect her. As suddenly as that all was right with the world (the guy walked away- I'm sure he wasn't intimidated by me : ) but was probably just mistakenly headed the wrong way).

More recent updates to come soon!