No Excuses, It's Been Forever...

I have no good excuse really, life has settled down considerably. Maybe it's Gavin going back to school or my getting out of the house to work 8 hours a week (most likely it's the fact that we've gone through a good sleeping stretch here with all 3 sleeping through most nights!) but whatever the reason this 3 kids, 2 of them toddlers business has gotten way easier. No, the laundry doesn't miraculously get done and is still almost impossible to get done in my old once a week time-frame and lots of nights we have grilled cheese or scrambled eggs for dinner (of course the night I gave them pb & j and fruit I heard several times that it was waaaay better than the chicken casserole I slaved over the night before!) but I am waaaaay happier and more settled. I think a big part of it is also that Lia seems to have settled into an amazingly happy, smiley and easy-going toddler. She has the cutest, most mischevious smile that just cracks me up. I know a huge part of the shift is probably the attachment thing- her to us and us to her. Although I can't put my finger on it exactly (the whole attachment business in practice is more of a hardly recognizable gradual and murky business than I had anticipated) but I know I have mostly stopped fretting that if we don't cater to her every need or want immediately we will 'mess up' her attachment. I do find myself thinking of her birth parents more often- it makes me sad for them and somewhat sad for her too. When she grins I feel a little twinge for the mother who doesn't get to see it and doesn't get to swoop her up in her arms and kiss her little double chin and tickle her chubby thighs.

But all in all we are good. Despite the misgivings I had about returning to work (both leaving the kids and the craziness of working for a state university in lean budget times) I think it's been good for me to still nurture that other side of myself. What isn't getting done of course is all the writing and proposals I was meant to be doing this year but I keep telling myself that this season of my life will be over at some point and I'll probably be drowning in time to myself (when I'm not worrying about my kids anwyay). I am going to embark on a new blog project soon. Like others who have come home and it doesn't quite feel right to continue along on the same blog I will start anew and broaden the focus a little bit beyond adoption and mothering (hopefully). Stay tuned.

Until then, love all the referrals and travel plans I have been living vicariously hearing about! Best of luck and safe travels to all who will be united with their new babies soon.